Interest (Not The Compounded One)

I have a bad habit of flirting with people without even knowing about it; pretty much all of it is really just unintentional. Sometimes to people I have never seen in my life and sometimes to people that I have known for a very long time. The only reason why I know this is because I over analyze every single thing throughout my day and realize I have been flirting with these people. And that some people have actually told me that this is a reoccurring thing. So here’s two examples from other people to prove my point, not that it matters, but I just love telling stories from random points of my life.

When I was picking up my grade card from my 8th grade graduation, I saw a really cute girl about to carry an incredibly high stack of pizzas back to class because of end of the year parties. I offered to help, apparently in a flirtatious way according to my brother, but she kindly said no and walked off with that kind of smile that you get when you get the ‘feels’ in your stomach (I thought it was pretty cute).

Another time was during my freshman year of high school. When we were still in a relationship, my girlfriend was acting a bit strange around me for a couple of days (That became the next three years when I broke up with her, but that’s another story). I asked her friend about it, and she said that I have been flirting with a bunch of other girls even while my girlfriend was around. Now, I am the type of person who would never cheat on another person, not to sound too highly of myself. I thought that I was just plainly being nice to them, but she thought otherwise. So, I stopped talking to those people (Dedication).

It seems a bit pragmatic to me to just assume that I love talking to people with incredible interest and optimism, but I contemplate a lot whether or not there is something more to those conversations than just niceness. I find myself entertaining (at least I try to) the people around me because I love seeing the people around me happy, and I feel like that is just a natural part of my complexion: I place other people’s happiness before mine. Now, don’t get me wrong. I still think I’m the most shy person when it comes to talking to girls, but other people say I’m really charismatic, which I see in myself, but not to the same extent as other people (If you are one of the people who cringe when I say hi to a different person every five seconds while walking through campus, I apologize. I did not mean to meet as many people as I did). Whether or not I actually have feelings for these people that I tend to comfortably talk to is open up to question. Someone else’s guess is as good as mine, and I say that because it’s still hard for me to accept my better judgement (Love is hard y’all). If there’s anything to take out from this, it’s that self-consciousness is a self-inflicted harm. Really, if you think about it, the opinion of other people doesn’t matter unless you make it matter to your own self, which is really dangerous in some cases. Just be who you are around other people, and the rest will follow through.